Return of the Guitar Chopping Block!!

Look folks, sometimes I can be just plain mean. You might have seen it before. Maybe you walked into the shop and Kelly and the Snitch were huddled in the corner holding each other while I lambasted them over some stupid mistake they made. It doesn’t matter how many times they disappoint me. It just kills me a little bit more inside every time it happens.

That said, in a general way I’m a softy for our guitars. I think this place can really be a happy little community that makes room for all comers be they Fenders, Schecters, Jacksons, Harmony’s, Teiscos… you name it. I love ‘em all. Really. Except for one.

Let’s be real straight here. I don’t like it when this happens. I don’t like what I’m about to say and I don’t like what I’m gonna do.

I’m gonna kill this guitar!

This is Traben and I’m gonna kill ‘im dead. And when I’m done I’m gonna kill ‘im again! I’m just that pissed. It wasn’t always like this between me and Traben but I don’t really think this is the time to go into that. Just know that this 12 pound mother is gonna die. I’ve been thinking about it and in keeping with my engineering background I’ve decided to manufacture an entirely new method to destroy it. I’ve decided to call this one

Bass Ballista

Now I know this seems a little cruel but it’s necessary. Imagine what could happen if we didn’t maintain some kind of order in this dump. We’re surrounded by guitars, right? When they step out of line we need to thump ‘em. It keeps the rest in line. And the basses are the worst – they’re bigger! So I’ve been working on this plan for a while and the blueprint at left is the final result of my efforts. While I have not yet started construction you must not doubt my resolve. Need I remind you of our previous troubles with KK? Ohhh… KK… Anyway, we’ve decided to give Traben the same chance we gave KK. His fate is entirely in your hands. Traben’s price is gonna drop by 50 smackers every Monday starting on July 26th. If one of y’all turds don’t rescue Traben he’s gonna be lot fodder and I just don’t care. On Monday, September 13th Traben’s price will drop to $50.00. That’s it. If Traben’s still here on Friday the 17th he’ll be escorted to our back room and given what little comfort we can provide. At dawn on the morning of the 18th we will wheel out the Bass Ballista and Traben will be launched into the side of our building. These are sad times for all of us. We’re sad that it’s come down to this. Very sad.

Stay tuned for updates.